Link here to a general overview of the novel
Prologue, Chpt 1, Chpt 2, Chpt 3, Chpt 4, Chpt 5, Chpt 6, Chpt 7, Chpt 8, Chpt 9, Chpt 10, Chpt 11, Chpt 12, Chpt 13, Chpt 14, Chpt 15, Chpt 16, Chpt 17, Chpt 18, Chpt 19, Chpt 20, Chpt 21, Chpt 22, Chpt 23, Chpt 24, Chpt 25, Chpt 26
Chapter Twenty-seven
Sebastian
Ester, Bethany, Ravel and Freddie are already at Hanna’s car when we jog at our limp speed and find them. Theirs is parked at a messy angle behind the half buried vehicle with its front end bent and buckled by where it had slammed the tree. Ravel, Bethany and Esther are unburying the doors from the piles of hail, and Freddie’s just prying a rear door open.
Moonlight outlines my friends, the fog dissipated by the earlier storm. Although it didn’t just blow away the fog, the whole thing left Daav off kilter. He came out of his magic stunned, sad. It seeps off of him although he’s still tight lipped as shit about it. Once we get to our final destination, I’ll make him talk about what happened. About how I’d watched the fires start like a burst of inferno from inside the auto and my tangles had, for the first time, seemed to ask permission from me, a taste of desperate but clear pleading in the confusing communication. I knew I either gave into the magic or let the vehicle burn around us. Not much of a choice.
And then about how my tangles had placidly shown themselves to Daav’s but resisted the pull of joining and instead let me fall away back into the car once the fire had snuffed out. Away from the unspeakable beauty of Daav’s Verse.
Now, as we approach Hanna’s car, Daav’s immediately at the door of the vehicle behind Freddie, peering around him.
“Deidre?” he calls inside.
Hanna’s voice then. “Colleen woke up. She’s in the Verse healing her.”
That’s Colleen’s second of the day after my leg. While I don’t feel drained anymore after working tangles in the Verse, I wonder if that’s happening for her.
I look over and Daav’s pulling Hanna out of the car. There’s blood coating her hands. He’s hugging her to him, his face buried in her hair, his voice muffled as he speaks to her. She’s nodding at whatever he says.
Maybe the sadness in his eyes needs to be there. My Prince has denied it long enough, but I hate it anyway.
Ravel notices Nuée and he’s over to her immediately, dragging her into his arms. She’s held it together, but now her shoulders shake inside his embrace.
Esther calls to us. “Front’s enough uncovered. Help us get this door open.” Pike rushes to help her and Bethany pry open the front driver’s side where it looks like Christopher’s been trapped.
Frederick gestures to me to join him. He’s looking into the interior of the backseat where Colleen’s bent over Deidre.
I can’t interrupt Colleen while she’s in her Verse doing the healing. “If she comes out and still needs more, I’m ready,” I tell Freddie, and watch Esther lean into the now open door over Christopher. “Esther, let me know what Christopher needs,” I say.
“He’s awake. You okay?” she asks him.
“Just a headache,” I hear him respond, a good sign that his voice is clear and strong enough for me to catch.
At my side, Freddie’s gaze is still caught on the scene in the back seat. “Colleen’s good at med work,” he says.
I crawl into the car anyway, on Deidre’s other side from where Colleen’s in her trance. And then Colleen snaps out of her Verse, shaking her head. Deidre is moving now, her eyes blinking open. The expression on Colleen’s face is one of relief, and she begins to smile at Deidre. It looks odd on her, but it’s real.
I glance over the seats to the front. “You sure you don’t need me?” I ask Christopher.
“I’m fine for now,” he answers. His face shows abrasions from impact and from the windshield glass which had done more than just crack.
Nuée’s already there, having pushed Esther aside. “You’ll let him work his med magic if you need it, idiot,” she’s saying to her Mentor, her bitchy scold alive and well. The worry’s clearly eaten at her since she learned he was unconscious with Hanna’s phone call.
“She’s awake?” It’s Hanna, head sticking back inside over my shoulder.
“Yes, girl. I’m fine,” Deidre says, although her voice is weak.
And then Hanna’s pulling me out and climbing inside on her knees in my place. She and Colleen are both speaking quietly to Deidre.
Bethany and Nuée are still outside Christopher’s door. Isolde, Daav, Esther and Pike are at the trunk, now open, and unloading some of the supplies we brought for our flight. This car, like ours, is out of commission. We’ll have to go back to ours and see if we can save the gear we left behind when we rushed to help, and load all of it into Esther’s.
Before I can go to them to assist with unloading I notice the pain on Freddie’s face. And damn, although he steps farther away from the car, my friend is still staring unmoving at Hanna, Deidre and Colleen in the backseat.
“Hey, you okay?” I ask him.
“She was really upset about Deidre.”
“Hanna?”
He’s shaking his head. “Colleen. She loves her Cohort, you know, it’s not pretend.”
I’m not sure what to say to this.
“I still love her,” he says and looks over to me with a grimace of shame.
Shit! I reach to rest a hand on his shoulder.
“What’s going on? Talk to me, man. Are you unsure about getting some distance from her? There’s no right way to do this, to figure it out, so whatever you need, I’m there for you.”
“I love her, but I know she’s no good for me. Both can be true, right?”
It’s late, and the night sky, now clear and pin pricked with stars and an almost full moon, can’t hide the exhaustion and questions riding us.
“You want to stay with her.”
“Yeah.” He dips his head in defeat. “But I’m not planning to. I can’t forgive her.”
“No one says you have to.”
“She’s not evil.”
If my head’s spinning, of course his would be. While I hate Colleen, I agree she’s more than simple evil. It’s confusing as hell when she acts like she does today, fighting for her family. I understand the dark, twisted identity of humanity and part of me wants to embrace it with open arms. But she hurt Freddie badly, and I don’t think she ever planned to stop.
“We can tell her to leave. I know Daav and I asked everyone to do this thing with us, but she doesn’t have to be part of it.”
“No, she can stay. We all need to see this through and she’s part of it. She has resources we need.”
“We shouldn’t have let you be alone with her earlier today when we made the plan to escape.”
Fuck me that I was so swept up in the plotting of it that I forgot the most important part, taking care of the people that matter.
“She didn’t do anything or say anything bad. It’s okay, Seb. I’ve lived with her for years, I know how to do it.”
“Still, no more alone time for the two of you.” I squeeze down on his shoulder blade.
“You’ll make that decision? I’m not sure how it works between you and Daav, because you’re no less of a bossy asshole than him. It’s not clear who’s in charge.”
I choke on my laugh. “It’s complicated.”
“That love’s worth fighting for,” he says, voice lowered. And my choke gets harder to swallow around. “When I’m in a room with you both, it’s like there’s this gigantic thing that’s barely contained. I kind of can’t believe it’s real. Too scary for me if it is. What you have is so alive, like some walking thunderous heartbeat owning everywhere you are.”
“Maybe.” I drop my hand. “But it’s hurting him, what’s between us. He’s fighting for something big and I distract him.”
“Bullshit. You’re trying to help him win.”
I shrug, a shield to hide behind. “He doesn’t always see it that way.”
“He will. Give him time.”
“If we don’t run out of it first.”
“You sound pretty insecure for the self-assured cocky troublemaker I know you to be, Seb.”
I shove down on my doubts and paint a grin on my face. Pretending hard enough is half the battle. “Everyone’s allowed a moment. No worries, I’m still going to fight for my man. His dick alone is worth–”
His palms are up. “Stop it right there. I’m practicing my boundaries, man. I don’t want to hear about Daav’s equipment.”
We’re both chuckling and it’s a good sound coming from him.
I throw a complete arm over his shoulder this time. “I get why you’re willing to wait to really walk away from Colleen. There’s a lot going on, and maybe it’s easier to prioritize big picture items. But…the big stuff is only as important as the individual people that matter. You matter. Don’t forget that for one instant.”
He nods and his eyes sheen. But they’re drawn back to the car where Hanna is now getting out with Deidre and Colleen.
Nuée’s steadying Christopher as he leans on her and hobbles over to us with Bethany trailing. A trunk slams, followed by a second as everything’s been moved from one vehicle to the other.
My gaze finds Daav’s.
His moves away.
Yeah, we definitely need to talk.
***
Cramming bodies into Esther’s car, we need two trips to get us all to the house where Colleen has arranged for us to stay, more of the resources and her damned endless connections. I find myself in the first load with Esther, Colleen, Nuée, Hanna, Deidre and Christopher. Daav conveniently stays behind with Isolde, volunteering for the second trip after I’ve already gotten into the vehicle. It’s my fault for giving him the easy out. Esther’s now gone back for the rest after dropping us.
We’re at the beach. It’s not Northside, but staring out at the waves from the raised deck of the property settles me after a long, nasty night. It’s near midnight, but I’m too wound to sleep and am waiting for the car to return. Daav’s with Isolde I remind myself, and I’m happy he has her since he won’t let me be there for him. Now there’s Isolde and a little brother, a bridge to his roots and family to love him. Maybe not yet, but all the potential is there, and I know they will.
Stupid me that I’m itching for something similar. The damn longing never quite dies even with Daav and the Cohort in my life again. The longing to know my parents, the story of who I am. I’m envious, even when I’m aware enough to be thankful for what I do have. I’m who I make of myself, not the lottery of my DNA.
Hypocrite, Seb. You know how important family is for Daav, so don’t ignore that it means something to you.
Okay, I can be honest with myself even if I’ll survive never getting what I want.
Behind me, a female throat clears in a warning of her presence.
“Can I speak with you?”
It’s Colleen. What can she want?
“Sure.”
She comes to stand next to me, looking out at the ocean.
Her voice sounds almost unsure.
“This afternoon when I was reaching out to connections making arrangements, a message was delivered to me that concerns you.”
“How cryptic sounding. Say more.” I wave fingers at her to keep her talking.
What game is this woman playing?
She waves her hand at me as if she’d read my mind. “Yes, yes, I know. Nefarious, Colleen and all her nasty subterfuge. Don’t make the mistake of rejecting all of my help. Kind of like cutting off your nose and all that.”
I turn to make a bow to her. “My apologies.”
She rolls her eyes, but then her face turns serious. “Pay attention, Sebastian. I received the notice from a reliable source.” She clears her throat again. “It’s from people claiming to be your parents and wanting me to give you a message.”
I stop breathing. I must not have heard correctly.
“What??!! You’re sure? How did they find me?” Cool chills race over my skin after what I’ve just been thinking.
“Your face is all over the media with the viral video from the night Victor’s house exploded. Assuming you look like them, and they know you have magic since they gave you up for it, it’s not hard to figure out.”
My mouth goes dry. “What was the message?”
Colleen’s lips turn down and she’s quiet a lot longer than I’d like. “I’ll give it to you, but I’ll advise you to ignore it, ignore them.”
“Because you don’t think it’s my parents for real?”
She’s shaking her head.“I have no idea if it’s them, but whoever they are, it’s a nasty message. Nothing that will bring joy or peace.”
“So why tell me?”
“Because I’m not keeping any more secrets, and because it is a message from your family, or potentially your family. And that means something, especially for mages who’ve been cut off from family so young.”
She’s felt it, too, that longing. It’s in the tone of her words. Or maybe this has something to do with Freddie, since she’s facing his loss.
“Well then, give it to me already.”
“They attached a video, although the address was untraceable. I tried.” Colleen reaches into her pocket and removes her phone. She touches the screen, swipes, touches it again, and hands the device to me.
I’m afraid. Afraid to hit the button to play the video, and not just because of her warning. You spend twenty-three years wishing for something, and it’s damn daunting to face getting it. Even without the warning I know these people can never be what I dreamed, the wicked dark pain of the world has taught me that lesson well.
I never wish for Daav to be by my side more than at this moment.
But he’s not here.
I hit play.
To see two faces, a man with graying hair, the red of my own color fading under it, along with my same eyes, and a woman with sun bronzed skin, wrinkles plenty, and light brown hair in a bun. She has my nose, my mouth. They’re sitting on a dingy couch in some nondescript room. The lighting isn’t good.
Sure, they look like me, but I’d be a fool to trust that as proof. Despite that my chest squeezes with a ridiculous fucking hope.
The man starts to speak.
“They called you Sebastian, but we named you Finn. Saw you on the video so we know the Conclave took care of you. Though they’re criminals, those mage officials. Only gave us peanuts for you and there you were a prodigy showing gold at three. We’re your parents, so nice to meet you.” He nods as if we’re really in the same room.
“They could be anyone,” I mumble, my stomach bouncing to queasy.
“Now that we know who you are, we’re contacting you,” the man continues. “If you can’t tell from my face and hair, I’m really your father. Got our family stamped all over your features. But in case you need proof, we gave you to the Conclave wearing a necklace of seashells. Told ‘em to make sure you kept it as a memento of us, so you know it’s us.” He reaches to the side and taps the shoulder of the woman. “This is your mom. I won’t say our real names because that’s not such a good idea.”
The woman waves, no real emotion in her expression, but she’s wearing a matching necklace of seashells to the one I keep tucked away. How could they know about the necklace? But they could, maybe. Maybe I’ve told someone and forgot.
Shit. Universe, please.
“You look healthy enough, have a good life even if we got nothing for you,” he says. “So now it’s time to change some stuff up. You’ve gotten yourself famous, you and that mage friend of yours, Daav Harkness. Yeah, we heard about that. You two are pretty attached from what the video shows. The media vultures say he’s your lover.”
Suddenly, the video pans to the corner of the room where a boy of maybe a bit under two sits in threadbare clothing on the floor, playing with a paper bag and block of wood, placing the block inside the bag, taking it out, then doing it all over again. He has my hair color, too. He looks up at the camera. And my gray eyes. He doesn’t smile. There’s nothing animated in his gaze.
Something clicks, like it hasn’t with the man and woman claiming to be my parents. Is it just some weird sense? Then the boy tilts his head to the side, takes his hand off the bag and rests it on his thigh. Flicks a finger against his thumb in what’s obviously an automatic habit. And then once more. Just. Like. Me. The video returns to the man.
“That’s your brother. Name’s Tuck. We tried for years to have more kids and get another mage out of it, to make sure to sell him at a higher price this time. But the kid’s still too young to know one way or another if he’ll show gold. Plus the future of the Conclave and mages doesn’t look too good right now. Not a wise bet. So here’s the deal. You come to us, bring your lover, and this sweet little Tuck won’t get harmed. Otherwise, we’ll be reaching out to Carl Harkness and telling him we have a boy for him, the brother of his son’s lover. I figure Carl might like to buy him, only fair to send one of ours his way when our country got his. Harkness strikes me as a man who wouldn’t mind a little payback. But if you come with that Daav, then you keep Tuck. Harkness will pay much better for his own son. You have until week’s end to contact us. This is a business deal, we’re people of business, your mother and I, so don’t think we won’t do what we promise.”
Terror is a solid punch in my gut. I can’t breathe.
No, no, no.
He spits out a series of digits, a number and combination to a locker at the Train depot in Bistral.
“The locker has a phone. Use it. Call us. Then you’ll have a half bell to get to where we’ll tell you to meet so plan on moving fast. Only after Daav’s safely with us will we let you know where Tuck’s staying. First sign of magic or other folks with you, and our message to Harkness is all set to be sent with Tuck’s location. Just have to push a button to set it in motion. Contact us by week’s end.” He turns the video to the little boy again. “Say goodbye, Tuck.”
“Bye,” the boy says with a lisp, eyes still lifeless, like he’s used to doing what’s commanded and nothing more, and turns back to his wooden block.
The video stops, goes dark.
“Fuck!”
I shudder. As much as I want this to be a scam, I know it isn’t. It’s real. He’s real. I see it in the way Tuck moves that he’s my brother. I’m scared, terrified. Have they hurt him before?
Colleen takes the phone from my hand where I’m staring at the screen.
“You should ignore it.”
“Does anyone else know?”
“No. I wanted to tell you first, but we need to tell the others.”
“Don’t say anything right now. I need to talk to Daav before that.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Talk to Daav.”
She frowns. “That’s not a plan. He’s a martyr just waiting to happen. You strike me as something like one, too, but deep down I think you’re smarter than that.”
“I thought you agreed with Victor that Daav was the prize of the two of us?’
“There’s more than one kind of prize. Some are shinier, but some prizes are those teachers that help remind us that all we need is to take our next breath, our next step, and we’re just fine as we are. No expectations, because we’ll be loved anyway. That prize is the one all of us can stand to win. You’re one of those.”
I’m lost in the confused mess swimming through my mind and chest. If that’s some compliment I have no idea. Nothing makes sense.
Week’s end is the day after tomorrow. We need a plan and I have to talk to Daav. Where’s Esther? She should be back by now.
“Don’t do anything without letting me know,” Colleen says. “Don’t run off half cocked.”
“I’m not that much of a fool.”
Lie.
But really I don’t give a fuck what she prefers.
“Send me the video,” I demand.
She takes out her phone again, I give her my number, and she hits send. I got my phone back from Colleen earlier since she’d taken it from me before healing my leg.
Good, I have what I need. “Go to bed, Colleen. I have to wait for the car to return.”
“I’m sorry to be the messenger of such shit.”
“They say not to kill the messenger, I’ll go with that. Thank you.”
She hesitates, as if she wants to say more, but eventually leaves.
I turn back to stare out at the waves again, to lean against the rail. Time becomes quicksand, dragging me down with its illusion of solid ground.
Tuck. Brother.
After some of it passes, not sure how much, Nuée bumps up against my shoulder, although I know she’s joined me even before she offers her friendly jab.
“Hey,” Nuée says.
“Hey to you.” But I’m holding back my scream.
“That’s a pretty stellar view, the moonlight shining off the ocean. Inspiring enough to write poetry or some crap. Maybe you can sculpt it.”
“Sculpt moonlight on waves?” I ask.
“Sure. If anyone can, it’s you.”
“Forgot my supplies in the exodus.”
Pretend, pretend, pretend.
“There’s always sand sculpture.”
“True.”
I’m cold, numb. I’ll have the conversation with her, although I’m unconnected to the words.
“You should call dibs on one of the bedrooms or you’ll end up in a closet,” she’s saying.
“Sure, I’ll grab one soon.” After I figure out if Daav’s sharing a bed with me tonight at all. After I tell him that my world’s crashing down in a brand new unexpected way.
There’s silence then between us, while the breeze flaps the sun umbrella that’s been left untied on the deck.
“We alright?” she finally asks.
Nuée’s worried, I can tell since she started this foray of a conversation. But it’s difficult for me to care.
“Yeah, we’re alright.”
“I didn’t understand before, about your dark, your Verse, until I saw it,” she admits. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You didn’t really want to know.” It’s the truth, no one would. I’ve known that all my life.
“You should be pissed at me for being such a coward,” she says with a note of her own pissiness in the comment, like she’s accusing me of failing to be upset with her.
I turn around then, leaning back on the railing and raising eyebrows at her. Her mouth twists in a mischievous smile as I call her out on her ridiculousness. I shake my head at her. See, I can pretend to be the jovial Sebastian. I can hold in that scream. I’ll tell her what will make her happy and send her on her way so I can wait for my Prince. He has to come soon.
“You kept me connected to Daav and everyone in the Cohort when I was in exile for eight damn years, sweetie. That’s a gift and I love you for it. Maybe I live with ugly things, but they remind me that even when fucked up stuff gets churned to the surface we’re all the same. We all need love. So just shut up and continue on as my bestie, okay? It’s all good.”
“See, you have soaked in the beachside poetic inspiration.” She winks.
It’s then that a car pulls into the drive at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the deck.
Finally.
The rest of our group gets out and starts climbing the stairs to join us.
“Colleen’s outdone herself,” Pike comments when he reaches us and admires both the ocean view and the posh living room on the other side of the glass doors to the interior.
“Claim bedrooms,” Nuée tells them. “Free ones all have their doors left open. The others have crashed already. We put away the groceries and left everyone’s luggage inside to grab.” Her face brightens as she sees Ravel walking toward her.
Yet Daav walks right on by me, opening the sliding door without comment. Guess there’s my answer about sharing a bedroom. Isolde gives a tired hello, smiles my way and follows him.
Nope, not going to work for me, for so many reasons.
“I’ll see you later, Nuée,” I say and begin to follow them.
“Don’t start anything, boy. It’s too late and I’m too tired for big noise.”
I wave her off.
My moody Prince and Isolde are disappearing from the top of the wide main staircase at the far end of a foyer beyond the living room. I grab my bag and head up the stairs, quickly enough to see him outside a door at the end of the hall, his sister speaking to him in front of the neighboring door.
“I need to know what happened in the car,” she’s saying to him as I approach. “If you don’t tell me about the effects of the magic, how can I give you feedback?”
He hears me coming, breaks off the conversation and enters his room, but I finish in a jog and stick my foot inside the doorway before Daav can close it.
“Uh uh, Prince. You’re stupid to think it’s as easy as avoiding me. Isolde, why don’t you join us so we can give you that update, like adults do with each other when they need to get through something difficult.”
Not that I’m feeling all that adult. I’ll get through this part with Iso, she deserves as much. She’ll leave, and I can talk to Daav about my parents then. About us. I push open the door and move past him where he’s scowling, then drop my bag inside near the bed.
“I’m tired, Sebastian. If you want this room, I’ll choose another.”
Isolde is behind him and, surprisingly, pushes Daav farther into the room with a hand at his back, then shuts the door behind her when she follows his stumble forward. “You can find another room after we talk. I’m not here for vacation and I don’t think we have the luxury of time. Sebastian’s correct. We’ll talk like adults and then you can do what you’d like.”
She walks calmly to the bed and sits. Then gestures out with her hand. “Well?”
She knows we both did magic in the car, and ultimately what happened, but not the experiences inside the Verse we have during it. We need her help interpreting this crap, but my stubborn son of a bitch of a lover stays close lipped.
Daav stares at her, as if he can will her into giving up her demand. She stares back. My Prince has met his match. She has been raised to be the leader of an entire fucking nation afterall.
I move to the bed and lower onto the mattress, crawling up to the pillows to lean against them, pretending a casualness that hasn’t existed for a very long time and definitely not tonight. “I’ll begin. In the car when our Verse pushed us together, they wanted us to connect. It felt right to let it happen, like it was necessary, but Daav demanded we shut them down. So we did it, and I think his had a temper tantrum. Hence, the microburst with wind and hail.”
We need to hurry this up. I need to talk to Daav.
“It wasn’t a temper tantrum,” he says from where he’s still standing near the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest.
Isolde looks toward her brother. “And then you used magic to get us unburied?”
“Yes.” Daav’s condescension to actually participate in this exchange is a clipped bark of answer. Yeah, such a fucker.
I snort. “Except that wasn’t going so well. He couldn’t shut down the tangles’ reactions after they’d done enough and instead began to start fires. So I opened up my Verse again, and it calmed his, stabilized him. Not like before when it was as if both sets of tangles were horny beasts wanting to climb all over each other. It was helpful this time.”
“Being near one another and letting out my magic leads to disaster,” Daav says, and finally turns his sea eyes, full of storm and agony, in my direction. “It stops now. I can’t trust myself around you and if you’re too stupid to understand that, I’m not sure what else to say.”
I sit up, suddenly sick of all of this, of his blind stubborn resistance and what boils down to his fear. He’s not the only one afraid.
“Well, I do. We’ve tried your path of resistance and running away, so why don’t we do something new for a change and actually try to connect them in a planned way and under controlled circumstances? Make the most of your birthday in a few days.”
“Not happening! Leave me alone, Sebastian.”
The attack of his answer is a final kick in the gut. I’m yelling, the frustration inside me letting loose.
“Asshole! You are both incredibly arrogant, and behaving like a fucking toddler. No, no, no, it’s all you can say about any of this. I don’t think it’s working out for you, all this kicking and screaming.”
He throws up his arms in reaction and yells back. “You’re any better? Isn’t this the same thing, throwing a fit because you can’t get your way? I’m doing what I believe is right. The magic’s become destructive.”
“You need to listen to Sebastian,” Isolde says in between our yelling. “I think the explosions and collapses around Bistral and your storm are bigger than the fact you’re entering the Verse and reacting to him. It’s worth trying to stabilize your experience with each other.”
“I disagree.”
She blows out a breath of frustration. “You asked for my feedback and impressions? There’s a chance that as the other universes pull away, we’ll implode from those complete rips. My new calculations favor that hypothesis even if I hadn’t thought it true before.”
“Are you telling me you’ve found proof?”
“No. It’s a hypothesis.”
“Well then we’re at an impasse. My hypothesis is the opposite, that avoiding Verse work will quiet the situation. And if I remember correctly, I get to be the one to choose.”
Her voice drops into a low accusation. “I came here asking for help to save our brother, but if you avoid this it won’t matter because we may all die.”
“You’re being dramatic,” he tells her.
“Listen to her,” I yell. “It’s your fucking brother, your sister, it’s their lives and you have to listen.”
“Leave, Sebastian! You’re no help. I’m trying to save them, you’re just refusing to see it!” His voice holds a derision I’ve never heard from him.
I push myself off the bed. Words are tumbling through my head, hot and knotted, and I can’t untangle them. I have to get out of here because otherwise I’ll melt down, so I wrench open the door and leave.
Tuck. My parents!
How can I leave without telling him? Shit!
I suck in breaths and move over to lean against the wall just outside the still open doorway, my fists squeezing open and closed to calm myself and figure out if I should go back inside. Try again to get him to understand and let him know what I learned from Colleen.
Instead, I hear Isolde as their conversation floats from the open door.
“You really won’t try?” she’s asking.
He doesn’t say anything, and I assume that’s answer enough.
Moments pass, but then he’s speaking again. “I’m sorry, Isolde. I’d be as wrong to agree when my gut tells me it’s a path to disaster. But I want to save Gil, so I’m going to ask you for a favor.”
“Really? A favor now?”
“I need to speak to our father.”
“Why are you fixated on this? The man wants to kill you.”
“I’m leverage. He wants me so much, he’ll trade me for Gil.”
“You’re crazy!”
“A phone conversation only. I’ll send him a picture to prove it’s me, or whatever other proof he needs. I’ll feel him out. At worst, it’s wasted effort, but we need a path forward aside from magic. If I can get him off Orreance’s back with this and get Gil it’s worth exploring.”
“You don’t know him, Daav. He’s not sane.”
“That’s what I’m counting on.”
“I didn’t come here to save one brother only to lose another.”
“I’m not planning on dying.”
“Really? You’re not particularly convincing.”
“Will you do it?”
There’s a long pause and my heart is beating hard in my chest. Red hot fire is alive running through my veins.
“Tomorrow morning, I’ll try to get a message through to my friends and see what I can do without jeopardizing myself or Gil.”
“Of course not. That’s not what I want.”
“And what about Sebastian? Because I’ve learned enough about you to know you really are willing to trade yourself. What happens to him then?”
“He’ll be fine. He’s been fine for eight years without me. He’ll survive.”
The heat in my body now flashes to cold. Enough. I’m so done. He’s really going to do this? I’m not letting him anywhere near my parents who want to use him the same way Daav’s willing to use himself.
Colleen is right, he’s a fucking martyr. He’ll reject everything we are and throw his life away, so ready to leave me behind. But I’m worth more than that. My love’s worth more. If there was a way to save him I would, but he’ll just find another path to sacrifice himself. I have no control over him. It hurts after fighting so hard for this, for us, after the last few days….
The pain is like my insides being shred to ribbons by ground glass. As if I’d ingested the shards surrounding me and Clark in that attic room from so many years ago. But instead I make friends with it, let it wind itself around me and then settle on like a heavy cloak. My reality.
I will save Tuck. If that’s all I can do, I’ll fucking do it. It’ll have to be enough. Illogical if Daav’s choices are going to blow up this world anyway, but I need to do this for my brother.
I won’t let him be thrown away and I’ll make sure he knows it.
Time to make plans, and to leave.